What Do I Wear to the Wedding: Mothers of Brides and Grooms Edition

Almost every day in Nordstrom's Special Occasion Dresses department I see a frantic, middle-aged woman who looks completely miserable, pawing through our racks or frozen in the middle of the sales floor by trepidation. I have come to recognize, on sight, these clients as our mothers of brides and grooms, most of whom haven't the first clue what to wear to their child's wedding, or where to begin. So many factors to consider when choosing the right dress! Of course, she wants to make sure she's not too ostentatious or colorful and that she won't clash or stick out in photos, because it's her child's day and she doesn't want to seem competitive towards her soon-to-be child-in-law's mother, or as though she's trying to look too young.

Usually our conversation begins with something like, "well, the bride is going to be in ivory lace, and the bridesmaids are going to be in taupe taffeta and her colors are slate, burnt orange and fuchsia, so..." And then of course outlining the specifications of the dress determined by the mother's real or imagined bodily, skin tone and bone structure flaws. All of which must be listed and stressed. And we must attend to the rules, such as matching the other child's mother. Or not matching her. And not wearing white. But maybe ivory is ok. And only tea-length with sleeves is acceptable. By the time the mother has rattled off her entire ream of information, all of which seems to be one antiquated fashion commandment or other, she's usually out of breath and chagrined at the force of her verbal dump. This is where I step in, look her in the eyes and say, "the rules are dead, baby".

Sorry to hit you with that tough reality. But the rules are dead, and that's a good thing. What was once proper mother-of-the-bride attire is now being worn by grandmothers-of-the-bride, for one. It's now ok to wear black to weddings because it's considered elegant, no longer funereal. Let me provide you with suggestions for managing the stress of finding a great outfit for your child's wedding. You want to look your best, but in an understated, elegant way. You hope to fit in perfectly with the tone of the wedding, and naturally want to look as good as, if not a touch better than, your child's fiance(e)'s mother. That last part is between us, I'll never tell. The best things you can do to stay sane and find something lovely are stepping back and looking at the big picture, getting yourself great shapewear (and wearing it while shopping) and being open to suggestion.

The big picture has nothing to do with the color of the bride's flowers, the groomsmens' ties or the centerpieces. Information critical to choosing a dress is about the wedding itself. Period.* Answer these questions: where is the wedding? when is the wedding? what time of day will the wedding be held? Thinking about dress choice from a seasonal and time of day perspective will help you narrow your focus. So will knowing the dress code. Some quick guidelines (which are not to be confused with hard-and-fast rules): morning or afternoon weddings tend to call for lighter, brighter colors and fabrics. Think prints, linen and flow-y silhouettes. Perfect for outdoor weddings. And spring and summer weddings. Fall and winter weddings, indoor weddings and evening weddings are about richer colors and more substantial fabrics. Black tie (where men are in tuxedos) typically mean floor-length gowns for women, though short dresses can become black tie with the right shoes and accessories (we can discuss these finer points in a later post, or email me). Example: for a formal evening wedding in Seattle in October, I would choose fabrics such as lace, matte jersey and brocade in colors like navy, black, eggplant or royal. Definitely some type of warm wrap, like a pashmina. And no sandals. Too casual and summery. Peeptoe pumps for sure.

Most department stores carry a wide array of the new and improved, highly advanced and miracle-working shapewear. It's all lightweight and comfortable, and comes in a wide variety of different shapes, styles and tensile intensities. Go grab the Spanx bodysuit that comes up to just under the bust, and down to mid-thigh like bike shorts. Wear it shopping. You will like what you see much better, and you will feel far more comfortable in most dresses. The key information during try-on isn't about what parts of your body you're least happy with and how you're going to hide them. You're your own worst critic, and you will always see any real or imagined "flaws" (if you must) magnified about a zillion times greater than what the general public and your family sees. I have two key pieces of advice for dealing with the mirror, step back four feet and never look at the side view. We all stand far too close to the mirror to have a realistic impression of what the world sees. No one stands as close to us as we do to a mirror, and anyone who does loves us totally. And no one looks good in profile, really. It's just not a flattering angle, so forget it. Focus on three major components of the event: eating, dancing, hugging. Do you feel you'll be able to do all three comfortably in the dress? Try a couple steps and give an air hug. If the dress feels good when you're moving around, it's a contender. Do you believe you'll have to starve yourself that day to feel the dress fits well? Then it's not the dress. The dress serves as an external decoration of the woman wearing it. It needs to work with her personality and attitude. Feeling comfortable and elegant are the goal for most women I've worked with.

Finally, try not to be rigid about what you're willing to try on. Don't assume that because you've not worn a particular style or fabric or color that you can't. You're probably wrong. More often than not, the dress I suggest that is immediately rejected as seeming to have zero potential on the hanger, where the mother must be cajoled into just TRYING it, ends up being the dress. Be open to surprise at what looks good on you. Nothing makes your salesgirl feel more smug than you walking out with a smile on your face and a radiant glow because the right dress was that one you never would have picked out. Email me if you want further elaboration, or help with a search of your own: katethed@gmail.com


*This entire paragraph, and all subsequent are null and void if the bride has provided you with stiff directives about what to wear. It's her day, wear what she wants you to. It's the right thing to do, and isn't a commentary on your personal integrity.

New Ideas from a New Life

It's been a very long absence since I last posted. Something having to do with a plan to leave Seattle and move my life back down to sunny Phoenix seemed to derail what I was trying to accomplish here. Which was to attract readers interested in learning about how to work with makeup and use it to their advantage. I've since made said move to Phoenix and am off on something new and expanded from the "Bad Kitty" concept's original intent. I've fallen head-over-heels in love with fashion. And I want to help you learn to put an entire look together, from your face to your feet.

At the moment, Nordstrom at Scottsdale Fashion Square is the place I go five days a week to play with clothes, shoes and accessories. The women who come to my department are my real life Barbies (and yes, some do look the part, parts and all) with whom I play hours of dress-up and explore my talent for look creation, and self-image boosting. Things are coming together for me. I've come to the realization that my counseling psychology background plus eye for fashion are a perfect match. Because many women (most?) struggle with body-image issues, insecurity about aging, and a fixation on negative (real or imagined) physical attributes, I have a unique opportunity to connect with them on a level deeper than apparel choices. I'm doing the market research at Nordstrom, and working on some ideas for putting it all together into a career.

Stay tuned, as I plan to breathe new life into Bad Kitty and make it about more than faces. I hope you'll check back in with me and stay in touch!

Does This Make Sense to You? Yeah, Me Neither.

Great look; Help?

I'm going on the record: I hate pictorial and written step-by-step look diagrams. I can remember poring over Seventeen when I was a kiddo, trying to replicate the latest makeup trends. I had my Caboodle full of Bonne Bell, Wet N' Wild and Cover Girl all set up in front of the mirror. I'd get out my sponge tip applicators and try to follow the instructions...and fail miserably. I'd end up looking bruised or clownish. At first I thought I needed a better variety of color. So I took a special trip to the 99 Cent Store on the Ave in Seattle's University District to stock up. I found a palette of twenty-odd eyeshadows for 99 cents. Perfect! Now I was armed and ready to tackle the hot looks of 1992...and yet I failed again. Since I lived in Seattle where using Chapstick is considered full makeup, I had nowhere to turn for advice. My mom was up to her elbows in dirt, gardening in men's clothing most of the time. I doubt she had a clue where our local makeup counters were located. Did Seattle even have one in the minimalist early 90's? I was totally alone and adrift.

Um, what?

I became more and more frustrated. I didn't understand the terminology, the pictures were useless and there was no YouTube to turn to for live action guidance. I realize now it wasn't my fault. Check out both guides I've posted here. At no point is it clear how to hold the tools, what motions you should be using, how much product to use, nor where to actually place the product. The diagram at right suggests that if you hover various tools next to your eye, you will emerge with a perfectly blended and lined smoky eye. Right. And if you try following the above diagram I can almost guarantee you will end up with a raccoon-y wreck.

Let's get real. What works is to find an artist you trust and ask for a lesson. A good artist should be able to clearly explain step-by-step exactly how to do each part of any look. They should be able to break it down as simply as needed. When I do a lesson I have my client hold a hand mirror so they can watch what I'm doing as I explain. I talk about the tools (always high-quality brushes, people), how to hold them, how much product to use and how to move the brush to get the desired effect. Oftentimes I will do one eye and have the client do the other, so she can get comfortable with new techniques while being able to ask questions. How many times have you bought a bunch of new makeup because you thought it looked cool, or liked what an artist did on you at the counter, only to get it home and feel completely intimidated? Then you shoved it all in your makeup bag and never used it. You looked at it longingly, heaved a sigh and wished you were a different person. Hey, come over sometime and I'll help you figure out how to use all that shiny new stuff. You'll feel confident and polished and we can crumple up and recycle these useless diagrams.

Black Swan

You're so hot, Mila Kunis.

 This film has captured my imagination in so many ways! I saw it a couple of nights ago and can't get it off my mind. Not only was the acting intense and the story riveting, but it featured two uniquely beautiful young women. Both Mila and Natalie have extraordinary bone structure, which was played up well. I love Mila's darkly-lashed green eyes and olive skin. Natalie's nose and cheekbones are simply stunning. Each time the camera did a close-up of either woman I was taking notes in my head about how I could replicate their various looks.

Natalie Portman, my new crush.

The story is all about the interplay between our dark desires and our need for control in the guise of innocence. The makeup certainly reflected this. For most of the movie, Natalie had very soft makeup--bare skin, natural, subtle eye makeup. Her innocence and grace were apparent with the minimalist look the artists went for. Mila's eyes were rimmed with a smokey black, and the rest of her face was left fresh with a nude lip. The effect of the two women together was a juxtaposition between the wide-eyed innocent (Natalie) and the sexy experienced (Mila). I loved that the artists focused on highlighting the actors' lovely skin by not concealing or foundation-ing it into oblivion. It appeared that the artists used the actors' natural bone structure to bring out the characters' traits, instead of creating the characters with makeup.

With a couple of exceptions, of course! When the women were performing, they were in full stage and costume makeup. Natalie's black swan, pictured here, was exquisitely, intensely structured. I love the way her eyes are black wings, the contouring of her cheeks, the stark contrast of her feathery white skin. I have already booked a friend for a demo of this look and I can't wait. Forget peacocks, it's all about the black swan.

New Fun

Kelly representing her Florida Gators on gameday!

Trying a new technique--leopard spots on Tiff.

Hi friends! I've been busy doing my own makeup and getting caught up with holiday party planning and other things (like my day job). I have been doing some demos and lessons, on friends who want to try a new look, learn technique or have an event. It's a good thing I do my own makeup every day, because I think it's important to practice each day to stay fresh and inspired. I've posted some pictures of a few things I've done lately.


Kelly had been wanting to try something totally wild and different for a while. She's a University of Florida alum and bleeds orange and blue for her Gators. We decided to do an orange and blue eye for a gameday event she had last weekend. I took a creamsicle-orange shimmery pigment and washed it up to her brow (nice highlight!) and packed a hot metallic orange onto her lid, blending it into the crease. I took some orange-y bronze glitter and tapped it into the crease and used it to line her bottom lashes. I finished the look with electric blue liner all around the eye. She texted me from the bar to tell me a friend had said something along the lines of "WTF!" she was so surprised by Kelly's daring look.

I was asked to do a couple of theme looks for a photo shoot for a hairstyle book a few weekends ago. The stylist I was working with wanted a peacock colored eye and a snow leopard look. I had a great time creating interpretations of these concepts in advance of the shoot. I am terrible at drawing, and was a little intimidated by the leopard idea. I went to work with a q-tip (minus the cotton tip), black, silver and white eye shadows. I'm incredibly proud of how the spots turned out, especially with an improvised technique! I packed on a ton of silver shadow onto Tiff's lids, followed by a bright matte white as liner. I took the stick from the q-tip, tapped the end into the black shadow and drew circle after circle. I finished each "spot" with a dot of white shadow.

The best husband ever, Ryan, suggested I try out the peacock look on him when I was frustrated by the demo I had done on myself. We joke that if I make it big as an artist, he will quit lawyering to be my creative director. Although he has never done makeup himself, he has great vision and has helped me create looks and tweak them at times. He encouraged me to go big and bold with the colors, taking them all the way out to his temples like a mask. It's a shame the colors didn't photograph as vibrantly as they appeared. I used a matte deep purple at the center of the lid and made concentric circles of different colors outward. Next came peacock blue, muted gold and shimmery green--all the colors of a peacock feather!

Portfolio Shoot II

Erika. Photo by Jenn Tran.

Jame. Photo by Jenn Tran.

Lindsey. Photo by Jenn Tran.

Caitlin. Photo by Jenn Tran.

Paula. Photo by Jenn Tran.

Yesterday Jenn and I did a five hour session with a new group of women. Like the last session, it was a lot of fun with lively conversation. Most of the women weren't previously acquainted, but within minutes it felt like a girls' day with a bunch of friends. I spent about 30-45 minutes with each woman, working from notes I had taken in the days leading up to the shoot. I had done a lot of google image searches prior to look at celebs and period makeup, while jotting notes on which colors to use. When I finished a face, I turned her over to Jenn who was working in various places around my apartment. A favorite spot ended up being the wall of New Yorker covers in my front hallway. We had a run of ages between 23 and 34 (not that you could ever tell who's what age) and all women have remarkably lovely skin; it didn't take much to polish up their complexions. In some instances I used minimal color to simply highlight bone structure, focusing mainly on lips and skin. In others, I chose to dramatize the face in a way the owner wasn't accustomed to. A few ladies in this shoot rarely wear makeup, and I especially enjoyed their surprise and delight at seeing themselves in a new way. Capturing these looks for my portfolio would not have been possible without Jenn's incredible eye and use of light and surroundings. I am incredibly grateful to her for collaborating with me, and donating her talent to my fledgling business. My latest dream is for the two of us to be asked to make a book that features my makeup and her portraiture. Hey, it could happen!

Art Is A Lie That Makes Us Realize The Truth

The title is a quote by Pablo Picasso. I went down to the Seattle Art Museum with my dad today to look at the exhibit of his work. I noticed that high on the plain white walls above the work were quotes on art by the man himself. As I wandered through the galleries with my dad I thought about how incredible it is to be able to capture and display work that spans a person's career so that the progression and evolution of style can be traced. Picasso had a lot to say that he expressed through his striking paintings, drawings and sculpture. As I examined his faces I started to think about makeup (as I invariably do when looking at a face) and how it's like drawing and painting.

I thought about the title quote and how it could apply to all art forms, specifically makeup. It's a bold assertion and I wanted to understand what the man meant and whether it was a toss-off provocation or relevant. I've decided that in terms of makeup, this idea is applicable and actually fits nicely with my recent discovery of minimalism. It's like this: a woman has her makeup done to the max--full coverage foundation, powder and concealer. If it's done well she looks polished and pretty. It's an art form. But then you look at her in different lights and you start to see that she doesn't need that much coverage, that her natural skin is quite lovely without all the product. The art is a lie that tells her she needs to have perfectly matte, monochromatic skin. The truth is, you realize she can probably get away with a touch of concealer and a better moisturizer. It might be a stretch, but it was a fun mental exercise!

A small oil painting in greens, reds and yellows caught my eye at the very beginning of the exhibit. It was of one of Picasso's close friends, lying in a tomb with a single candle burning. You can see the gunshot wound to his head, and the description mentioned that Picasso's friend had committed suicide over heartbreak, which inspired the painting and plunged Picasso into his blue period. It was a very emotionally intense piece and my dad lightened the mood by saying, well, I bet you could conceal that wound with makeup no problem! We had just been talking about the possibilities of my makeup career and he mentioned working on cadavers for open-casket funerals. My dad's joke got us past the macabre and started me thinking about how the artist captures a face.

Picasso painted many pictures of women in both the abstract style he's famous for and realistically. His work is direct and interpretive. I looked at many of the pieces from the perspective of a makeup artist and was very impressed at the way he defined a woman's heavily-lidded eyes, or brightly highlighted a cheekbone and forehead. An advanced technique in makeup artistry is contouring--where you use different tones to shade and highlight areas of the face. Looking at Picasso's drawing studies especially inspired me to explore contouring more on my models. It's a different way of working on the face--a way of bringing out bone structure more than any color ever could. In order to master this technique I think you have to see the face the way a visual artist would, by examining the form in front of you, seeing the shadows, the light and the interplay of features.